Never Ending Traveler DBZ Yaoi

Oawrinaki Tabibito (Never Ending Traveler)

Pairing: Goten x Trunks
Rating: Um.. NC-17 (because I can?)
Put This On Your Site: What? You\'re serious? Sure! Just tell me first! ^^


baby, do you understand me now?
if sometimes you see that I\'m mad
don\'t you know that no one alive can always be an angel?
when everything goes wrong you see some bad
but I\'m just a soul whose intentions are good
oh lord, please don\'t let me be misunderstood.

- Please Don\'t Let Me Be Misunderstood - Nina Simone )



[kinou nani wo shita ka sae tokidoki wakaranaku naru
yume no naka dake itsumo jiyuu ni nareru ki ga shite]

[At times I do not remember even the things I\'ve done yesterday.
I thought I can be free all the time in my dreams.]

It was a pitch black night when I flung my head impatiently out of the window to discover what gems the clouds had discovered anew. As I gazed up at the sky a slight chill ran through my body. Wondering if it was the cold, I closed the window, and slowly made my way to the chair that sat at the edge of my desk. My desk never had any work on it, unlike what my oniichan used to have on his. That was when he lived here. Now that he was grown up and married, he lived off elsewhere. Things seemed to change so quickly, and I\'ve always had trouble grasping change. I was never one to adapt.

As I reached my hands over the desk\'s wood-patterned surface, my fingers delicately traced their way toward the chair that sat idly underneath the front of the small work table. My hand did not immediately reach the chair; however, it seemed that some thick fabric balanced precariously above the chair\'s back. I clutched the fabric, and in one fluid motion lifted and unfolded it. It was a warm sweater. I\'ve always liked the feeling of thick warm fabric enveloping me from the cold night.

Soon enough I was outside, wandering in the dimly painted streets, aglow with a wash of orange drops lining the artistry of the architecture. The fermented crisp gold ementated slowly from lazy street lamps, the kind that never seem to do their job fully, but that was okay because they had such character and substance. As I spent my time wandering restlessly, it seemed like all other life had become non-existant. Not a single soul was out. I turned slowly down an alley, ignoring what I had always been told by my mother about alleys. I was big enough to protect myself. Wasn\'t I? I still felt like a meek child inside so many times.

Suppressing the urge of loneliness, I decided to revel in it for the time being. My mind visited the past like a weary time traveller. I remembered once when I was caught in a fight, and my father\'s words returned to me. He had told me that men are strong, and do not cry. My mind flitted aimlessly forward, and I remembered once when I had wondered what I would become when I grew up. I thought of when I was as carefree as a listless dragonfly, tilting my wings in the golden sunlight, flittering over ponds and shallow brooks with clear, free running water. My options seemed to be growing more and more limited as time passed by.

Gingerly I treaded down the alley, the street lamps were dimmer there, and I could see the pale incandescence of some metal garbage cans. Suddenly something lept forward, from behind the garbage cans. Shocked, I hopped backward, my heart beginning to beat heavily. When I saw the shadow of what it was, my fear vanished. It was a ragged cat. It released a low meow, and then scuttled off back into the darkness of the alley, disappearing from my sight. It was a sign, indeed. That cat, to me, was a form of life, reminding me that I wasn\'t the only one alive in this seemingly perfectly still world of jewel-studded sky, and eerily wondrous street lamps that I didn\'t have to share with anyone else. My world came crashing down, and the night was ruined for me. Sadly, I headed back to my room to go to bed.

As I climbed under the covers that night after changing into a pair of boxers, I didn\'t pray for a tomorrow, the way I normally did. The only thing that belonged to me and to me alone had been pried from me by a mere alley cat. My life was nothing. I couldn\'t even remind myself of the past, visions were all blurry. I think I just didn\'t want to remember so badly, that my mind blocked off all those things from before. Soon enough I knew it would be so bad that I wouldn\'t even be able to remember what had happened the day before. Sighing, I closed my eyes, and tried to make myself comfortable. The only place I had left now to truly be myself, to truly be free was in my dreams.

[dare mo ga isogashisugite daiji na koto uyamuya de
ikusaki sae shirazu ni owarinaki tabibito]

[Everyone is so busy and the important things are smothered
The never ending traveler who does not know where he\'ll go]

It was a cold morning, but the sun was seeping slowly through the cloudy and dismal sky. It was cold enough that I could see my breath, warm and even, as I rubbed my hands together. I slowly walked down the busy downtown street, barely taking notice of the rushing people that bustled past me, trying to continue their hectic lives. They were all busily trying to fulfill some purpose; this purpose was not apparent to me.

I tried to pay little attention to the stores, with their shiny tinkling trinkets lining the windows, or the wonderful smelling delicacies that made me salivate. I was afraid to get too carried away, and start spending money; besides that, I had somewhere to go. As I kept up my pace against the surge of oncoming people, my mind wandered aimlessly. It was only an hour until the meeting time. I was going to go and meet with him. Him, being the one thing that made my eyes shine, the model of perfection that I would do anything for. Trunks.

It was nothing new to me, this almost tangible thing I felt for him. It was something I could almost grasp onto, and then when I did I hung on for dear life, as my emotions were sent through a rollercoaster ride through hell and back. This dance that was every day life seemed so hard to keep up sometimes. Often, when I looked into his eyes, I wondered if the whole facade would just slip away, and then I could collapse. I didn\'t care what they thought of me. Sometimes I tried to pretend that I didn\'t care what he thought of me, but I knew somewhere inside of me that I couldn\'t lie to myself. I cared about what he thought more than anything in the universe.

I was so lost in my own mind that I almost tripped over something; I stumbled on the sidewalk, loosing my balance, and awkwardly swaying forward, then backward. I managed to right myself, wiped my brow with an outward sigh, and then looked at what I had tripped over. It was the figure of a human. What was a person doing lying in the middle of the sidewalk? Begging for money. The old man\'s face was aged with visions of streets and times long forgotten by all others. I stopped myself short of muttering profanity when I was caught in awe of the poor homeless form that had nearly caused me to fall. Some rude woman pushed past me, her hands full of black and white shopping bags. Her stature was large, and she muttered something at me as she barrelled past. My awe at the old man had vanished, and I glared at the lady\'s retreating form. Finally with a disgusted glare at her back, I turned and continued walking.

Why did it seem to me like everyone had lost the meaning of life? What purpose is there to getting somewhere in a hurry anyway? I will never understand such people. Where there are beautiful things hidden in the dirty streets, where there are awe-inspiring moments, where there are butterflies flitting in the rustic parking lots of a broken down drugstore, these are the miracles that make life special. Moments are what is important. People seem to forget that so frequently. My life seemed to be composed of such miracles, but nobody really took the time to notice them.

Carefully I checked my watch, and waited at a corner for the traffic light to change so I could cross the road. I slowly brushed a hand through my raven hair, and innocently gazed around the street corner. The coffee shop across the road seemed heavily populated. I felt like having a warm drink, as it was still quite cool out. The sun had broken free, and was slowly rising as I checked my watch again. I had reached the bus stop and exhaled slowly. At the moment, I knew I had a destination point, but where was I really travelling to? Where did I really mean to go with my life? I couldn\'t answer those questions. It seemed like I was aimlessly passing through time like a lonely wanderer. Where did my destiny lie? What path was I supposed to take? Was my fate already predetermined, or was it possible that I could change it? So many questions without a single answer.

Finally the bus arrived, and I trudged up the steps, a mixture of emotions. I threw some spare change into the container, and the bus driver smiled and nodded. Who was he to be so happy? Sure, the sun was coming out from behind the clouds, but that meant little to me anyway. I picked an inconspicuous seat on the bus, toward the back. It felt good to rest my body. Raising my eyes I could see small advertisement panels held along the upper inside of the bus. One had a picture of a family smiling and laughing. I can\'t remember the last time I was able to be like that with my family. It seemed like their busy lives were too much for me any more. Dad was always off fighting or training or... whatever it was that he did. I really didn\'t know, and I could really care less if he didn\'t want to make time for his own family. That\'s the way he always was, irresponsible and spontaneous. As for kaasan, she seemed more concerned with my oniichan and my father. As long as I got decent grades and \"stayed out of trouble\", as she put it, my family didn\'t seem to care much about me. My brother used to spend time with me once in a while, but he got his own life and his own family.

I found myself spending more and more time with Trunks\' family. He was more to me than anything in the world. He was like a best friend, a brother, and even more. I had grown to not only adore him, but somewhere along those misguided lines, I think I accidentally fell in love with him as well. I tried to pull myself away, but I couldn\'t deny it. Too late. I had fallen in too deep. And where was I, after all that? Caught with a family that didn\'t care, and a love I could never reveal for fear that I would loose the only thing that I still had. I was suddenly reminded of the expression of being caught between a rock and a hard place, except that it seemed at the time that the situation was far worse. Did I dare to take a leap and admit my feelings to him? I stood to loose everything if he knew. I knew I couldn\'t loose him. He was all that I had. Slowly the bus lurched to a halt, reminding me it was my time to get off.

[kimi dake ni tsutaetai yo kizutsuita tsubasa hiroge
dorehodo no yume toki wo kasanete arukidashita
Everlasting Train]

[I only want to tell you, spreading my wounded wings
How many times I piled up dreams and began to walk
Everlasting Train]

I moved at a steady pace, leaving what seemed to be the downtown area of the city. I was heading toward a more industrialized, high-tech area. I knew that this was where the tremendously famous Capsule Corporation was housed. By no mere coincidence, the Brief\'s house happened to be within a nearby residency. Between the city and industrialized area was a large amount of grassy hillsides with a single winding highway that lead to the industrialized area. Due to poor planning on the city\'s part it seemed that there was next to no sidewalk for pedestrians; then again, why would they build a sidewalk to a place where only workers went? Workers that generally had cars.

As much as I hated walking all the way to Trunks\' house, I kind of liked it at the same time. It gave me a chance to think, a chance to reflect upon things. It was an almost silent walk, that lead me back to myself in a way. The only sounds were the wind blowing gently through the grass, and the distant hum of car now and then along the highway. It was nearly lunch time, so the workers at the big power plants and industries were probably already at work. It seemed that even on a Saturday they worked.

As I arrived at the Brief\'s house forty minutes later, I caught a glimpse of lavender coloured hair. I knew it was him immediately. I felt my heart skip a beat. As I moved closer I could see him concentrating on a book that he was reading. His body was slack, relaxing on a lawn chair. There he was, in all his glory. That strong nose, that luscious hair, those tilted, powerful eyebrows, his perfectly curved jaw, and best of all, those deep blue eyes of his. I can feel his soul when I look into his perfectly sapphire eyes. Right then his forehead was creased slightly, and his mouth was formed into an upturned frown. Sometimes he reminded me so much of his otousan. Just like his father, he could be so stubborn, and when he got angry everyone had better watch out. I noticed as he brushed a silky strand of almost silver hair from the front of his face. I loved that hair so much. The front appeared a blinding white from the sun, and as it went further back it was clearly a splendid shade of pale, pastel-like purple.

As he looked up and saw me approaching- he must have sensed my ki, his expression utterly changed. It was a drastic and sudden movement, as he stood up. A slight smirk smoothed across his face, and his eyes turned from their cold and hard stare at that book, into a beautiful myriad of shimmering lights that danced across pools of endless blue.

\"Oi Goten!\" he said as he began to move toward me. Only he regarded me without any suffixes. We knew each other so well; there is no need for formalities. I stopped moving, and just watched his perfect form approach me. You\'d think I\'d have been used to it by then. How many years had we known each other? Our entire lives, I think. Yet, every time I saw him, I was in awe. No wonder all the girls at school were constantly hitting on him. Sluts. Ah, what I wouldn\'t do to run my hand through his hair, to brush back those two perfect bangs of hair that always came down across his face; how I wanted more than anything to whisper sweet nothings in his ear... what I wouldn\'t give to have my-

\"Ano... Chibi? Daijoubu desu ka?\" He stared at me awkwardly. Chikuso! I must have phased out again. I guess I must have done that a lot when I saw him... or thought of him. Every time I was alone, just thinking, I laughed so hard at the very idea of telling him how I yearned for him, and every time I was near him, I couldn\'t help but feel guilty for not coming clean, for not being honest with him. I bit my tongue, trying to stop those beautifully painful words slip from my mouth. Instead I manipulated them, and turned them into a pathetic excuse.

\"Hai, I had... trouble sleeping last night. That\'s all.\" I quickly covered up my stupid mistake, because that\'s all it was. A stupid mistake. I needed him so badly, but I just couldn’t let him know. It wasn\'t worth the risk of losing him. He eyed me suspiciously, but let it go because we were such good friends. I could tell from his facial expression that he regarded it strangely though. He always knew when something is wrong. I\'ve also always been a pathetic liar. At least he let me off easily that time. I figured that next time I\'d just better be more careful. The smile that was on his face before seemed to be gone for the moment, and I inwardly kicked myself for causing him to be upset; even if the thought of him being concerned about me struck me as something that was difficult for me to understand or deal with. He had dated many girls, but none of them lasted very long. I think he had trouble being intimate, people just don\'t understand him. Trunks, like his father, sometimes has trouble expressing his emotions. But he and I have always been inseparable. I tried to lie myself, I tried to tell myself that it he really loved me too, but couldn\'t accept it, so he dated girls. Though, I knew that was a pathetic lie. What good was I? I couldn\'t lie to my best friend to make him feel better, I turned the only good thing I ever had into some perverted fantasy, and then I couldn\'t even lie to myself properly. What a fool I was. I was such a baka! Oh Kami-sama.

\"Still up for a spar, though?\" he inquired, his expressive eyebrows raised just enough to give the suggestion of a questionable glance. The best thing about our spars was that it really doesn\'t matter who wins, no matter how much we competed. I\'ve got a lot of built up frustration and stress in me as of late, as well, and it would be nice for me to release it. Stress over Trunks, of course. What else would I be stressed over? I simply nodded to him. I wouldn\'t miss a spar with him for anything in the world! It\'s my natural instinct to fight, and as much as I sometimes don\'t want to admit it, I am my father\'s son; I owe more than just my looks to him. He didn\'t even give a second after I\'ve responded before turning his head and shouting back at his house.

\"Okaasan! Goten and I are going out!\" he yelled. From somewhere within the house a muffled feminine response was uttered, that I could clearly distinguish as Bulma-san, Trunk\'s mother. Soon enough we were off, finding a remote place to duke it out, as it were.

[makenai koto subete ja nai yasashisa dake ga ai ja nai
doko e mo ikeru nandatte dekiru ima wo ketobase]

[Not losing is not everything, kindness is not always love
I can go anywhere, I can do anything, kick away now]

When we battled, I got a rush like nothing I ever felt otherwise. I think I was born for the fight. I could release my annoyance, my stress, my guilt, everything when we battled. I looked around blankly, because I couldn\'t see him, when suddenly I sensed his ki behind me. I swung around, and threw a punch, but he blocked it, so I threw a punch with my left fist, this time he caught it, and tried to flip me into the ground, but I resisted, and ended up backfiring him upward. He was thrown upward, but righted himself midair, and floated up there for a second, before swooping down. I lept over his muscular form, and landed in the air with a spin so that I was facing him again. He began to fly toward me, and his entire form vanished for a split second, reappearing slightly to the left of where he had been. Then he blinked out again, reappearing and vanishing faster and faster, until he was right up in front of me, and he let out a kick. I was caught by surprise, and went flying backward, landing with a thud on the soft earth. Screaming a battle cry I lept to my feet, and flew at him. I let out a kick, but he blocked it with his shoulder, then he tried to punch me, but I dodged it. Suddenly I released an angry flurry of punches at him, all of which he expertly blocked, dodged, or caught. We were going at it, punch for punch.

He caught me, and threw me backward, but I stopped and flung myself toward him; he obviously wasn\'t expecting it, because suddenly the two of us were catapaulted to the ground, landing right on the ground. There I was, with him pinned to the ground. He didn\'t move. Our eyes were locked. I gazed into those listless sapphire eyes, breathing heavily, a bead of sweat trickling down the side of my face. The moment felt so perfect, I knew right then and there, I could kiss him, I could take him. Right then and there. I began to lean in slowly. I was so close I could smell his scent. It made me intoxicated; it made me feverish with passion. But I didn\'t do anything. Instead we just stared at each other. I fought my urges violently. Suddenly I jumped off of him. What the hell was I doing? Who did I think I was? This wasn\'t my role. I was supposed to be his best friend. My mind was so troubled.

Deciding to leave before I did anything too stupid, I turned and ran. With tears in my eyes I sped away. I think I could hear his voice in the distance, but I just didn\'t care anymore. I had to leave, I had to be away from him. Every second I was with him it hurt too much. The pain was there, it was real, and evident. It was like he had ripped open a wound so very long ago, and every time I saw him it was salt that was being poured on that gash in my heart. I couldn\'t take it, I couldn\'t stand it. I had to clear my mind, I had to get away. But suddenly someone was sprinting after me.

\"Goten! Chotto matte!\" was the only thing I could clearly hear above my muffled sobs and confused thoughts. Hakuchi, don\'t you know that telling me to wait will only make me run harder? I ran so hard my tears just stopped flowing completely. I had to be alone, but instead there he was, a blur of lavendar hair and navy clothing flying at me. Through my tear-stained eyes I didn\'t even have time to react or comprehend; my vision was all mixing together in a mirage of colours. Brute force knocked me forcefully against a tree, and applied pressure held me there. It was Trunks-kun, of course, how could it be anyone but him? Besides, I knew that unmistakable energy anywhere.

\"What the hell is wrong with you, Goten?\" he asked harshly. He was trying to understand, but how could I explain this pent up frustration inside of me? This longing that had been there for so long? I didn\'t care if I won a little spar with him. It meant nothing. Him letting me sometimes win, that was just kindness on his part. We were friends. I had to constantly remind myself of that. Friends. That\'s all. Friends look out for each other. Just because he showed me feelings of kindness it did not mean he loved me back. It did not mean he loved me at all. We were just friends. I had to stop thinking that he might repay my feelings, because it was so damn obvious he never would.

\"N.. nothing.\" I stuttered. I didn\'t know what to say. Either way it was a dead end street. If I lied he\'d know it. I couldn\'t lie worth a damn. If I told the truth he\'d probably beat me up, and I\'d never see him again. Seeing that torturously beautiful face of his was better than nothing, because I knew I could never have him. So instead I\'d have to stick with being a wishy-washy neutralist. The truth would have to come eventually, I suppose.

\"That\'s a fucking lie! What the hell is going on? What\'s wrong with you?\" he screamed at me, his mouth opening furiously. I didn\'t know what to do or say. I was frightened, of him, of myself, of these emotions that I felt. I loved him, but how could I tell him? I couldn\'t just say it. I was more afraid of never seeing him again than what he\'d do to me when he found out, I guess. He\'s the only thing I\'ve ever really lived for, seeing him every day is what kept my life stable. He\'s the one that put that smile on my face. Being around him was like nothing else. It might be hard for some to understand, but he\'s my sugar, he\'s my drug, he\'s my everything. I just wished he\'d be mine. All the pressure built up inside of me, and suddenly my eyes watered again, and I began to sob. Trunks\' expression changed drastically from angry to concerned. He looked almost regretful for taking such a harsh tone with me, and offered his shoulder. Gratefully, I leaned on him and sobbed. An arm tenderly slid around me and he was patting me on the back as I sobbed heavily. I was a wash of emotion, I felt like a drowning person, waves of the ocean knocking me back and forth all over the place, carelessly. I hugged onto him tighter, never wanting to let go of his warmth.

\"Onegai.. onegai...\" That\'s all I seemed to have the strength to say. He comforted me, rocking me softly in his arms. How could I tell him what was wrong when it would ruin everything? How could I tell him what I desired? Why did everything have to be this way? I just collapsed into his arms, and he flew me to my house in his arms. I was too tired to think, too tired to do anything, and everything just turned into a big haze until I dwindled off into darkness.

[aoi sora wo miagereba hohoemi ga koboreochiru
KEDO tanoshii koto yori mo tsurai koto no hou ga ooi ne]

[When I gaze up at the blue sky, a smile falls off
But there are more sad times than happy times]

When I woke up I was lying in a room on a bed. Slowly my thoughts gathered. Trunks must have left me here. I checked my watch, it was already tomorrow, I mean, the day after I had blanked out. Where was I? The darkness of the room made it seem unfamiliar, only six single shafts of lazy light shone down from a window with blinds to the side. Oh, it\'s Trunks\' room. He must have let me sleep here. The thought of lying in his bed sends a shiver up my spine.

I had to get away. I moved for the door, but was distracted by the light coming from the window. I crept toward the window, and parted two of the blinds with one hand. As I levelled my eye with the gap I could see the blue sky above me, and a strange smile brushed across my face. Why was I happy? I wasn\'t. Then why was I smiling? Because Trunks cared about me. Of course he did. We were friends. I had to reassure myself, again, that it didn\'t mean anything. I took up arguing with myself, soon enough. If he just cared about being my friend, then why didn\'t he just take me back to my house? He could have just as easily flown me to my place and delivered me to my parents. Boy, would they have been annoyed. And concerned. And that\'s the last thing that I wanted. If they were concerned, that would end up meaning they\'d start asking questions. Questions were a bad thing, as far as I could care. In fact, it was Trunks\' questions that had ended up causing me to be in the situation I was now in.

I heard footsteps, and the door opening behind me. Slowly I turned around, as the darkness in the room was dispelled by the light that entered through the doorway. There he was, and my eyes bathed in his masculine, perfect glory. His mouth opened slightly in awe, I think because he was sort of shocked to see me awake. He quickly rushed over to me.

\"Chibi. Feeling better?\" he was very concerned. I nodded softly, and a short smile of relief broke across his face. It was rare that I got to see him so relieved. I couldn\'t help but smile as well. He closed his eyes for a second, and then opened them again, breathing in heavily. I enjoyed the moment of standing next to him for a brief amount of time, but knew it had to end or it would be too weird for him. That\'s me for ya, never imposing upon anyone. Yeah right. It would only be a matter of time before I was my natural genki self again. Heh heh...

Trunks headed toward the closet, and I blushed as I realized he was about to change clothing. Once more I was left to my own devices, feeling totally inadequate. As he took off his pants I just turned myself toward the door, and tried not to stare. Suddenly the rustle of clothing stopped, and there was a silence. What was going on? He began to move up toward me from behind. Suddenly he was so close I could feel his presence up against my back.

\"You know,\" he whispered into my ear in a thick raspy tone \"you could go downstairs and eat something instead of standing there all embarrassed?\". I blinked, and fell over laughing with him a moment later. We were on the floor for a few minutes, until the mood grew serious again. There was a tension between us. He was sitting on the ground there with his shirt and boxers on, and there I was, gazing back at him adoringly. His deep cerulean eyes cutting straight into mine. I pulled away, even though it seemed to take forever, and I stood up. He stared blankly up at me. I brushed myself off.

\"I\'ll.. ara... go eat now.\" I mumbled under my breath and hesitantly stumbled out of the door before I screwed anything else up. Why did it have to be that way? I sighed heavily on my way down the stairs. As I reached the kitchen I could see Trunks\' father sitting at the table.

\"Ohayou Vegeta-san.\" I said quietly as I sat down finding food already placed there for me. Trunks\' father just nodded to me, and continued consuming his breakfast greedily. Similar to him, I had set out before me a bowl of rice, a bit of fish, some pickles, and a bowl of miso soup. It looked like a wonderful breakfast, and I was hoping it would taste as good as it looked and smelled. Vegeta didn\'t say much of anything. I didn\'t know half the time whether he hated me or liked me. It was so very difficult to tell, he really never expressed any real emotions about that sort of thing. He finished without a word and then got up, taking his food to the sink and left. Hmm.. I guess I could see where Trunks got a lot of his attitude from. The food, to say the least, was wonderful. It heated me up, and filled me up at the same time. There\'s nothing better than food to fill a growing demi-saiyajin, and there\'s nothing better than a nice warm breakfast to get you going in the morning.

About the time I was nearly finished shovelling the food into my face with my chopsticks, Trunks came down the stairs, looking as handsome as ever. He nodded to me, and smiled as he saw I was eating. I think he was enjoying taking advantage of talking to me and not letting me talk, because immediately he plonked himself down on a chair across from me and began to let out quite the speech.

\"I phoned your mom yesterday, and just told her you\'d be sleeping over, so they\'re not concerned or anything. I still don\'t know what\'s wrong with you, Goten-kun but... I care. You\'ve been acting really strangely lately, don\'t think I haven\'t seen it. You\'re getting paler too. I don\'t know what\'s wrong, and you don\'t have to tell me what it is, if you don\'t want to... but just know, I\'m worried, and if there\'s anything I can do just tell me, okay?\" he said sternly, as though he were some kind of parent. But his eyes were filled with warmth, and I could tell he was revealing something important to me. Trunks was almost as protective and secretive of his feelings as his father seemed to be. How could I ever know what Trunks was feeling?

\"I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with me today?\" he asked as I was sipping my green tea and finishing off the last portions of my food. I just nodded, happily. I was glad that I was going to spend another day with Trunks, but still sort of afraid of myself, and what I might try to do to him if the moment were to arise again. I didn\'t know if I would be able to restrain myself. I wished everything would work out okay. Chikuso! Why did it all have to be so awkward? I guess that\'s just the strange charm of it all. I sighed, as I tenderly licked out the the remains of the food from one of the bowls. When I finished I caught Trunks gazing at me. I blinked innocently at him.

\"Nani?\" I asked. He blushed slightly. He looked as though I had caught him doing something he didn\'t mean to do. What exactly was he doing that he shouldn\'t have been doing? I was so utterly confused. Maybe he did something behind my back earlier. But what could he have done? And why would he do anything to spite me? That thought was quickly tossed aside. So what had it been that I had caught him doing?

\"N... nothing.\" he started blushing even harder. I just rolled my eyes and smirked. He looked so utterly adorable when he blushed. I just wanted to grab him and squeeze him into a big hug and- no. I knew I had to stop my thoughts there. Friendship was as far as it was going to go. Right? Well, maybe, but... what if I- I stopped myself again mid-thought. Acting \"normal\" around my best friend was seemingly going to be even harder than I had thought.

We spent the day out and about in the city, but ended up going off the beaten path. I think we both needed a little relaxation for the time being. We headed off to a temple that happened to be a bit of a tourist site; however, it wasn\'t really on the guided tours, so there were few people there. The temple was beautiful, a white glittering building sleeping heavily in the drowzy morning sun. It smelt gold and red, and of the sweet incense that came from within it\'s depths, but we didn\'t enter it. We basked in the glow of the sun, and found a few small garden paths around the back of the temple. As we meandered through them, we found that the paths were littered with sombre statues, and right nex to the temple was a tea house which was closed at the moment, as it was early still. Unfortunately, no matter how happy things got, I was always constantly reminded of sadness. A long line of tiny statues had found their place on one edge of the temple ground. Each one was equipped with a red cap and bib, and each one held a small, brightly-coloured plastic pinwheel. As a slight breeze picked them up, a few eerily rotated. Each statue represented a dead child whose soul was being helped to the underworld. I closed my eyes, and turned away, depressed thoughts coming back to me.

[nigeru koto de gomakashite hashaideita ano koro no
kanjiteita shinjitsu tashikameru tabibito]

[deceiving by running away, back then when I used to frolic
The traveler who confirms the true feeling]

I sat down on a park bench with him, but he lept up seeing an ice cream shop a little ways away. He offered to get me one too, but I shook my head stubbornly. I didn\'t want him to spend any money on me. Soon enough he had returned, a double scoop of green tea ice cream on a cone in his hands. He sat down next to me, and snickered as he began chomping greedily away at it. My eyes had to have grown as big as saucers, and I licked my lips hungrily. As he wiped some green-coloured ice cream off his mouth I tried to bend over to get a bite, but he pulled it away quickly, with the reflexes of a wildcat. I grumbled.

\"You said you didn\'t want any.\" he proudly exclaimed. I closed one eye and sneered at him, crossing my arms, but he shook a reprimanding finger at me. I sighed and put on my best puppy-dog eyes and pout. Finally he sighed, smirking, and let me have a bite. As my mouth met the cool icy treat I could taste the delicious scent of green tea entering my mouth. I savoured it, and went in for another bite, unfortunately, it was at the exact same time that he also was about to chomp down on it. We kind of sat there staring ridiculously at each other, our faces in the ice cream, about a centimetre apart. Suddenly I pulled back; I know I must have been blushing a deep shade of scarlet, because my cheeks felt all warm. I drew myself away from him, then lept off the bench and ran. Running again, huh? Where did I think I was going to go anyway? I wasn\'t sure of my destination this time... I didn\'t even know the destination of my heart.

How could I explain to Trunks what those statues made me realize? How short life is. How precious it is. How I couldn\'t let one single moment slip away. How I had to be there for him. How I had to reveal what I felt soon, or I might never get the chance. Even if it turned out bad- I had to take that chance. And then the ice cream... and the overwhelming feeling. Still, I was wondering what it was that he had been blushing about earlier at breakfast. Why was he so intently watching me? What was so wrong with looking at me? Was I that hideous or something? Everything was a confusing, tangled mess of knots and spider webs that lingered in mind, driving me totally insane.

Even in the midst of all the paint and mental anguish I was seemingly putting myself through, I could still remember how I was once. How carefree I was when I was younger. It seemed, as I grew older, that the world became more and more corrupt; maybe I was just growing to be more aware of it\'s corruptness. Now that defilement seemed to thrive within my heart, leeching off my soul. Turning an innocent crush into something so wrong, so dirty. Fuck! Why did it have to be Trunks? Why my best friend? Why him? Why couldn\'t I have fallen in love with someone unimportant? Then it wouldn\'t have mattered so much...

I wondered how he didn\'t notice. How he hadn\'t already realized. Kami, sometimes he was so intelligent, when it came to math and science and stuff, but then, when it came to emotion, it was like he was a child. He was so unsure, never knowing what people were feeling. Maybe he spent too much time in that lab of his. Too much time reading those emotionless books, spent too much time with those computers, void of feeling. Maybe it was his father\'s blood stirring in him. Maybe it was a mixture of it all. Whatever it was, it made me furious. He should have been able to tell. Damn him!

Every time I ran, I knew it was just a delaying tactic. I\'d have to come back and repent eventually. I\'d have to tell Trunks why I kept running. I wasn\'t really running from him, I was just running from the truth. I was just running from something I would have to inevitably tell him. I knew I\'d have to tell him or die in the process. Running was no good, because every time I seemingly ended back up where I had started. I was running endlessly in circles for him. For Trunks. For my Trunks.

It had taken long enough just to admit that I had feelings for him. Now I had to figure out what do with such feelings. I had trouble as it was accepting them, so how could I expect him to understand? Even if he did, what was the likelihood that he felt the same way? I knew I would just have to take that chance... but it was so difficult. Every time I tried to begin I felt like a lost little child. A lump appeared in my throat, or I got lost in those deep, soulful eyes of his.

I knew it would be equally as deadly not to tell him, though. I couldn\'t live a lie forever. I couldn\'t face a life of always wanting, and never having... a life of being so close I could almost touch it. I wasn\'t going to stand by his side forever, watching him age with someone else. It was all or nothing. And in this case, I was aiming for- hoping for it to be \"all\".

It\'s not like I wanted it to be this way. It\'s not even like I like anyone else. In school, I\'ve never wanted to look at a single guy, not like *that*. Then again, I\'ve never looked at any girls either. Just Trunks. He was different. It didn\'t matter if what he was- it was more of a... who to me. Our bond was so powerful. But would he see it that way? Trunks had been getting further and further away from his heritage. He was so human I rarely even thought he was half-saiya-jin, except for when he acted like Vegeta-san. Trunks had become studious, and very scientific. He\'d also become very human as he\'d grown up. Our sparring was still as frequent as ever, but he didn\'t seem to care as much anymore. It felt like he was hiding a part of himself, because he disliked it so much. Sort of like the way I hid my affection toward him from his ears for so long. Maybe he was just ashamed? Ashamed of his ancestor\'s race. That might explain it. Well, whatever the cause was, it seemed clear that he might just see me the way any ningen would. I could see the harsh words forming across his lips now, I knew the names he would call me, the insults he could taunt me with. But I had to risk it anyway. I just had to find the perfect moment.

He finally caught up to me. It was the second time that I had run away from him, and my feelings. It was the second time that he had come to find me. This time he wasn\'t furious with me. He was just concerned and upset. I think it was really getting to him now. I knew he wanted to know what tore me open so. I knew he wanted to make it better. But I didn\'t know if he could. I didn\'t know if he would. I wasn\'t sure that telling him would make things better before, but I had been denying the fact that it was the only real way.

\"Goten! You can\'t run from me forever!\" Trunks began. I knew it was true. \"I just wish you\'d tell me what\'s wrong already! Stop fooling around! Remember when we-\" he started. Another rant, I supposed. I couldn\'t take any more. I felt a cramp in my stomach, and bent slightly, clutching my heaving chest. He was so perfect, his unabashed nature, his seemingly smooth, untarnished face. Here he was, wasting his time on me.

\"Enough, Trunks! Memories are for old people.\" I said, my body racked with sobs. He stood for a moment, almost unsure what to do. The pain consumed me, like a gaping whole that spread, swallowing everything up. All my emotions, all my tears. I was so tired, too tired to even carry on. After a pause, he sort of bit his lip and rushed toward me. Warm hands encircled me and he held me close as I tried to hold back the tears. I couldn\'t cry. Father told me men are strong and don\'t cry. Hah, worthless words from a worthless man. All the regret, all the pain, all the emotion came flowing back at me in a huge burst.

\"G- goten...\" He whimpered into my shoulder. As though he were sad. I had made him upset again. I had made this god of a boy upset over me. I couldn\'t let it happen. Using my right hand\'s thumb and forefinger I lifted his chin up so I could look him in the eyes. His eyes were shimmering with newly forming tears- a kaleidoscope of cerulean melted into the rust of an old silver coin that formed his eyes then. I pushed my eyes tightly together, and turned my head dejectedly away. How could I do it? How could I tell him? He was so powerful and intelligent, he had everything. He had looks, he had charm, he had wit, class, style, he had everything going for him. He could have had anything he wanted. And then there was another side to him completely, a side that only I knew. He could be mischievous, and daring, he was always the older, braver, stronger, protector... he was the one that I rushed to when things went wrong. And there he was, comforting me. How could I ruin such a sacred bond by being so foolish? But I knew I had to do so, or I would live forever wondering what could have been...

[kimi dake ni tsutaetai yo masshiro na chizu wo hiroge
ikutsumo no yoru umi wo watatte hashiridashita
Everlasting Train]

[I only want to tell you, spreading a white map
I walked past many oceans and began to run
Everlasting Train]

\"Trunks... I need to tell you something...\" I began to lower my hand, and raised my head back again. I was beginning to have trouble finding the words to explain myself. I could feel my voice beginning to crack already. Maybe I could just tell him and he\'d be alright with it. Or maybe I could tell him and he\'d admit his deep and lengthy feelings for me as well all this time that he was too afraid to admit. Yeah, right. What a frivolous dreamer I was.

\"What is it Chibi?” He questioned in a voice that was so soft, so gentle. I had never heard him take such a tone with anyone except for me before. Usually he was either bratty, factual, or solemn. Sometimes he could be harsh- but never was he so soft, so caring, so gentle. That voice that tugged at my heart-strings, that voice that drove me wild at night with lustful fantasies I blush thinking about. It was the voice of a god. It was the voice of a saviour. It was the voice of my Trunks. The boy I was enamoured with. The teen I had fallen for. And there he was, asking me to admit this deep love I had for him. Would he understand? It was so hard... so hard, Trunks, why couldn’t you have seen it then? Why couldn’t you have stopped me and taken me into your strong arms and just held me?

“It’s... nothing, Trunks-kun.” I mumbled. Damn it! Why was it that every time I tried I got so close, only to fail miserably? What would Trunks do in this situation? I bet he’d be forceful. If he wanted something he’d get it through skill and smooth manoeuvres, if he wanted something he’d be sure to have it. Why couldn’t I be like him? Why could I pull him toward me and show him how I felt physically? Because I wasn’t him. Because I was a coward. Because I was just Goten. The same baka that had his family basically abandon him. The same stupid brat that Vegeta-san snorted at and ignored. The same stupid kid that had fallen for his best friend- for a love that could never be returned.

“Oh... okay Goten.” Trunks tried to hold back the disappointment. He knew that all this time I was trying to say something. Now it looked as though I had made him feel bad. I had made it look like I couldn’t trust him with something, it made me feel so guilty. It made me look like a villain. I just know it did. I felt like shit. I felt lower than garbage. I felt like the scum at the bottom of the sewer-grates that collected there for centuries, never being bothered to get wiped clean. And what was I to do? I was helpless. I had set up my own impossible maze as it were, and I was lost in it.

“I... should go.” I sighed heavily. I didn’t want to go. That was the last thing I wanted. How could I be away from my Trunks? But I had to. I couldn’t let him see me like this any more. I couldn’t bear to be around him, not without telling him how I felt already. Oh, Kami. What was the point in wishing for a miracle? It so obviously wasn’t going to come. I figured that he and I- we were just never meant to be. So then why did I still feel this nagging regret? This incompleteness when he wasn’t around? Why did this loneliness consume me whenever he was not near?

His shining aura was something I treasured so dearly. He had always been there for me before. That was why I had tricked myself into loving him. Or maybe I had tricked myself into believing I didn’t when I really had all along? Perhaps if I set out some kind of a plan as to how I would show him my deep set desire for him? I could lead him into a candlelit room, a home-cooked meal waiting for him, or take him out to an expensive restaurant. Yeah, in my dreams. Trunks was never going to be mine at this rate.

“Wait! Goten!” he yelled, chasing after me. I was at a small fountain then, walking past it. As I gazed sadly at the fountain, I could hear the gushing jets of water; see the white froth spewing from the central area of the pillars that formed the upward water spout. Around the fountain was a decent sized wishing-well type area of water of quite a considerable depth that the rushing water gushed into. At the bottom of the unrefined waters sat many glittering coins, reflected and refracted by sunlight, catching my eye as I moved slowly by. I barely had time to look up as I saw a flash of lavender and navy rushing toward me yet again. I blinked, and not moving out of the way, totally lost my balance and gasped as though in slow motion. Trunks skidded to a stop, immediately realizing his mistake, but it was too late. As I fell backwards I reached forward for him, and managed to grasp his white shirt as his jacket was wide open. For a moment I thought he would stabilize me, but instead his body too gave way at the unexpected sudden weight, and the two of us went plummeting backward into the fountain, me under him, soaking wet, and he lying down right on top of me.

Immediately he began laughing and splashing around vigorously. I rolled my eyes and groaned, reaching to try and rub my back. Slowly Trunks tried to lift his feet off of the edge of the pool of water, and pulled himself to his feet. He reached down, offering a hand to me. I gazed innocently up at him, and couldn’t help but laugh. He was soaking wet, from his hair down to his shoes. His clothing was sopping wet, and his hair was all damp and ragged-looking. He looked even cuter all wet. Quickly trying to clear that thought out of my mind, I went to reach for his hand, but it was too slippery, and instead ended up collapsing back into the water, causing him to loose his balance, and nearly fall on top of me again. After he had cautiously regained his balance, he reached his hand down again.

“My knight in soaking armour!” I crooned stupidly, and he smirked knowingly as I grasped his hand. There was an immediate warmth as we touched. I could feel it in his hands. I could feel it in his fingers. His touch, his grasp, his hold. Firm, yet gentle. Strong, powerful, noble, beautiful. Everything Trunks was and should have been. As I slowly stood up to look him right in the eye, the moment was so perfect. The water was moving fluidly down around our legs, and I could feel cool droplets of water coming down from my hair, sliding down my face. I put a hand to my damp hair, and shook my head slightly like a dog would. Trunks winced for a moment at getting hit in the face by a bit of water, but still retained that adorable smirk across his face. That smirk that was also, only reserved for me.

“Come on, you. Let’s get outta here.” He grinned. I stared compassionately into his eyes and nodded as he slid an arm around my shoulders. I managed to snake a hand around his waist, and he gave me a bit of a funny look. I countered it with the most innocent gaze I could conspire, and he snickered slightly. Slowly he raised a foot over the edge of the pool of water, and stepped onto dry land, then followed through with his left foot. I copied him, using his body as a support for my own. As we began to trudge away from the fountain, we left a trail of soppy wetness, and our shoes made the most annoying squeaking sounds I’d ever heard in my entire life, but it was all in good fun.

“Betcha can’t catch me!” he shouted childishly back at me as he began to run ahead. Suddenly he jumped into the air and began to fly away. I gasped, and looked around to see if anybody was watching. It’s never a good thing when some lavender-haired kid is spotted flying, you know? Not good for the ningen folk. They’re not used to it. Might have a heart attack or something. He he... you know what I mean. People just aren’t used to seeing teenagers flying around in the sky. We tried to keep such things quiet, well, except for Trunks. He rarely seemed to care what he did, or who he affected. Except me. He cared about me. But he had made it painfully obvious that we were just friends so many times. Otherwise, he would have accepted my advanced, right? He couldn’t be that stupid, could he? Aiya, listen to me. Here I am again. Going on about Trunks.

I chased after him at full speed, and literally flung myself into the air, hurtling after him. There was no way I was going to let him go this time. He was mine. I was going to show him that he was mine. I flew furiously after him, my hair and clothing flapping wildly in the winds. After a short bit our clothing and bodies must have dried off quite a bit from all that wind, since my clothing only seemed a bit damp, and the droplets stopped emerging from my hair. I could see Trunks’ back- he wasn’t very far ahead of me, and he was encased in a glow of ki. As I flew after him I tried to speed up even more, hoping to get a boost from my emotions. It must have worked, because soon enough I was so close I could almost reach out and grasp him. He looked back and sort of snorted, then he sped up and was further away again.

I flew up ever more furiously, twisting and winding a path through the skies. Finally I was close enough to reach out, and did so. I grabbed him by the legs and pulled my way up to him. I was unable to control him, and suddenly he was basically carrying me as he flew. The two of us, hurtling at tremendous speeds, and it was out of my hands. I was almost afraid for a second, before remembering whose hands I was in. Trunks’. Lest I ever forget. He would never do anything to hurt me- right? I gazed up at him from below, holding tightly onto his powerful arms as we continued on ceaselessly.

“Hoi! I caught you! What’s my prize?” I screamed above the prevailing winds. For a split second he turned his attention from what was ahead of us to me. A smirk crossed his face, and he sort of rolled his eyes at me. How dare he roll his eyes at me! I put on my best “angry” face, closing my right eye, and scrunching up my face into an expression of annoyance that reminded me of something I would have done was I was younger.

Finally we began to slow to a stop, as I saw the Brief’s house below us. Why had he taken me back to his place and not my own? I was slightly confused, and was going to ask him so... as soon as we landed. Until then I was enjoying being so close to him, without any objection on his part. Finally we came to a halt, so that our bodies were angled vertically. Our bodies were facing down, as we slowly drifted back down to the ground. I landed incredibly softly on the dirt as my feet touched down, and Trunks did likewise. Trunks sort of gave me a look, and I had no idea why. A second later I looked embarrassed and realized what the look was for. I was still tightly clutching onto him. I let my hand go and took a step back.

“Why are we back here exactly?” I inquired as he began to walk to the front door of his house. He didn’t give a response right away, as the door opened and he headed inside, and I followed. He didn’t even bother to take his shoes off at the entrance, but I respectfully did. As I followed him into the other room a moment later, after taking off my foot-wear, I saw he was taking care of basics with the house. He checked the answering machine on his own phone line, checked the TV guide for a brief moment, and finally headed toward the kitchen. I twirled around in my socks, and followed him waiting for an answer to my question. Finally it came.

“I live here, silly. Besides, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out and sleep over tonight?” he asked casually, his voice a muffled representation of what he normally sounded like, as he had his head literally stuck in the refrigerator, both hands followed his head a moment later, and I could hear the obvious shuffling around of objects as he searched for something. Finally he pulled out a triumphant container of something. Ah, Trunks. How could anything ever come between us? What would I do without him? Always knowing what I want- then again, it’s not like that’s very hard. I’m a total sucker for food. What can I say? My two greatest loves in life; Trunks... and food.